I want to share the story of my life with you with theintention, that it can bring  hope and light into your life.

I want to die!

Bullying, rape, alcohol- and drug
abuse got Ruth to contemplate sucide, when
the song” Majesty” moved her gaze upwards. 
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Ruth Kristensen, born in 1963, had experienced the ugly side of the life and want to take her own life, but God had another plan. . 

Joy, faith and singing are three keywords that describe Ruth best. With the guitar in her arms and a smile on her lips, she plays and sings the words that God has given her in her heart. She has published several CD’s, and her debut CD was: “Raise the Danish flag.” it's in Danish, but some others of her songs are in English as well. Ruth says: “I love to playing guitar and publishing my CD’s, because I want God and charity to return to Denmark. I want to make a difference in thedaily life of the Danish people with the songs I get from God.” . 

Zeal and joy emanates from the singer, who for many years ago planned to turn the lights of her life off for the last time - when the text from the song “Majesty” caused her to cry out to God

Bullying, drugs and alcohol

Ruth grew up in a Christian family and as a child she came in The Salvation Army in Aalborg as a junior soldier, because she got a fine uniform just like the other children. However, the problems began when she started in school. Amongst other things, the other pupils were bullying about her, because she was a Christian. They was constantly after her and finally she believed all what they said. It continued every day until she was 14 years old. When she no longer felt her welcome in her class, she found some others to be with, and was accepted - but there was alcohol and drugs involved. She was curious and wanted to try all the things that her new friends did. Therefore, she smoked marijuana and began to “empty out the green bottles.” 

Restless teenager

The drinking increased and her parents couldn't control her, so they placed her in the youth pension (UP) in Aalborg. Ruth says: “I didn't like to be there, so I did all I could to be thrown out.” She began to coming at pubs, in amusement arcades and to private parties. After three months she managed to get thrown out and got to a vocational preparatory school.

Neither of the local public caseworkers could handle her, so thy decided to get her into a foster family. Ruth says: “When I was in family care my alcohol abuse got less. I lived out in the sticks fare away from the cities, but I kept in touch with my friends when I was home in the weekends, and there I drank. Sometimes I ran away from the school and the foster family, but they just called the police, who found me every time at the same pubs.

Assaulted by two men

When she was 17 years old, Ruth went to cooking school, she liked to cook and was good at it. 
Ruth says: “Here my alcoholism began to accelerate again. I had been exposed to something that shattered my life. I couldn't bear to think of it, so I tried to soothe the pain with the bottle. Two years earlier two men who threatened me with a knife had raped me - After the attack, I couldn't stand myself. This created a total rejection of me as a person. Because of the rape, I felt ashamed and grew to be indifferent of myself."

New boyfriends and children

When she was 18 years old, Ruth got a flat together with a man and got her first child. Ruth says: ”I went “cold turkey” when I found out I was pregnant. For it was not the baby's fault that I drank. Unfortunately, I started later to take drugs for a couple of years and had a severe alcohol abuse as well." 

Her local public caseworker sent her into therapy at Ajstrupgaard near Tylstrup. Ruth chose to get her 2-years-old child into foster care, because she no longer felt she was responsible enough to care for the child. During treatment, she got a new boyfriend and child number two. Ruth says: "I was pretty indifferent with myself. At the centre I got talked some things through, but I didn't get a contact person, and I didn't confide to just anybody. I had just such a need to talk about the rape. But it was embarrassing, and I was shameful. Therefore, I kept most of it to myself."

On the verge of suicide

In 1990, Ruth stopped to stopped drinking and smoking marijuana, although her boyfriend continued the drinking. - "I got such a headache that I couldn't bear to consume alcohol or drugs anymore," says Ruth. She began to come in the Salvation Army’s shelter as a volunteer, but they shouldn't try to convert her (but she wasn’t going to be converted). She also sang in their gospel choir because she liked to sing. Eventually, Ruth's relationship with her boyfriend  was unbearable, because he continued to drink.

He had a golden heart, when he wasn't drunk. The problem was that he was rarely sober. I felt I was trapped in a relationship that I couldn't get out of, because I was afraid of what others would think. 
One evening Ruth gave up: she couldn't stand life anymore. - "It was black in my brain, and I saw suicide as the only way out." While her boyfriend was drunk, she put her kids to bed and  lighted candles in the living room. - "If I was going to end my life, it had to be cosy in a soothing atmosphere."
"However, while I went around and lighted the candles, the word 'majesty' rang out inside of me  and then I remembered a song by Jan Honningdal named 'Majesty,'" says Ruth, who decided to put the CD on, before she commit suicide. She felt that the song spoke to her and affected her and she listened to it repeatedly.  - The thought: “What would happen if you lift up your hands and kneels down?” rang out in my head," says Ruth.

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Shouted to God

Ruth decided to give God one last chance. Ruth says; 
“I shouted, 'God, if you really exist, show it to me now! Otherwise, I will take my life and you know I mean it!” - "After all, it was just something I did, I didn't expect that anything would happen. However, in a split second  the darkness in my life vanished and I saw the light break into my mind. It was as if there was a wind of love and I saw light break into my mind. It was as if there was a wind of love and it surrounded me," says Ruth. Then she called her sister, who said: “Well Ruth, you’ve been inside the inner court of God.” 
Ruth started going to church and was baptized in 1998. Ruth says; “I experienced over a long period time how Jesus changed my life. Christians prayed for me and I opened up on the feelings and thoughts that I had hidden away. I was crying and talking and shouting to God. Step by step he took the pain and healed my bleeding heart and my battered soul.”

Ruth help others

Today, Ruth sings and play with texts inspired by the Bible or the Danish countryside. Ruth also holds lectures and is a familiar face in Aalborg. - "I frequently find that people call or stop me on the street and ask for help. I just want to be God's instrument to spread the joy and life in other people's lives and help them further," said Ruth, adding: "Because of my many years of pain and shame, I know that it's great to be free. I’m so thankful to Jesus, because now I can help others who are going through rough times. I sing and tell about Jesus, for I have seen his great love - a love which hides many faults."

This testimony is written by
Tabita Aas-Hansen in co-operation with Ruth.

Call on Me in the day of trouble.
I will take you out of trouble,
and you will honour Me.”
(Psalm 50, verse 15)
(New Life Version (NLV)

God is able to do much more than we ask

or think through His power working in us.
(Ephesians chapter 3 verse 20)
(New Life Version (NLV)